Ummm

I feel really kind of .... at the moment, in that I don't know how to put it (not that it is a swear word!). I have a headache, but that isn't it. I still haven't finished the other house, but that isn't it (that isn't really true, of course, but I am feeling tragically fatalistic: How I feel is beyond the hopelessness of that place). It isn't the book, although it may be the complete and total absence of the book! It isn't the church, because that is keeping me right busy. It may well be study, which seems like a great and heavy weight at the moment (although I still find it very very interesting!).

I don't know. I am feeling bashfully embarrassed at the progress of this blog - as well as anything else in my life - but I also feel fatalistically realistic about it: I have just been too wrecked. My journal is no better off, and has much the same excuses. Oh, dear Lord, I don't know, I'm just worn thin and empty.

How many times have I typed/written/thought that? I so look forward to getting out of this slump, but I am still in it. I am worn out, but I am not out of it. I am struggling, and there is more coming. Soon I start EDU110, HST330, LCS31, LTR110, and VIS28, plus on campus studies starting up with LIT11, NOV21, NON11 and POE11. And at the moment, I don't feel like I'll ever be rid of HST310 and POI22!

I just want a break, and then be into what I am looking forward to and free of what I want to leave behind (don't we all!) But that is not how it is - don't I know it - and I've got to do what I've got to do, and I have to live for how it is, rather than how I wish, and this knowledge does not help me at all.

Hopefully, soon, my posts will be different.