I think I can...

Now here's a thing. Last night I had a bit of a realisation (ka-ching), and I realised that blogging before I work of an evening would probably be better in some ways than blogging after I work. Why is this so, you ask? Well let me tell you, and not just in prose, but in dot points!

• Firstly, it means that I blog, rather than what has generally been happening, which can be best summarised by the thought, "I should blog right now, but I am so tired, blow it, I'll just go to bed..."
• Secondly, it will hopefully mean that there are less errors, spelling mistakes, pointless repetitions, and bemoaning rambles.
• Thirdly, it kind of gets the fingers and head going, in that I have crossed the writing "edge", and am writing, which will hopefully cross over into whatever I am working on.

Sounds goo in theory, doesn't it. However, I didn't get to test out my theory because I was so tired that I went to bed.

I have been round at the other house today, sawing, framing, drilling and climbing around in the roof. I got a bit done, which was good, but I came home with an absolute cracker of a headache. I took a couple of pain killers, so now I am a little bit worried that they might make me drowsy as well. I'll soon see, I guess. Until then, I have to keep going.

Another realisation that I had was that I don't use the block quote feature of this blog enough, in that I have not used it at all.

So it's probably about time I rectified that (which I think I may just have done). Despite that rather frivolous usage of it, I shall have to remember it for future reference.

Anyway, I have got the old fingers tap-tap-tapping, so I might just spring into it without any more loody-doo.

P.S. I can see, looking at what I have just typed, that the title of this piece seems to bear very little relationship to the text. This is for several different reasons:

1. I had a lot of tourble as it was deciding on a title;
2. I need to keep going while I still can; and
3. Because my mind is a bit of a mess at the best of times.

The reason I chose "I think I can..." for a title is because I think I can keep going tonight. I know, not very profound. Sorry to disappoint you.

Everything has a cost...

Well, everything is progressing pretty much according to plan, which is fantastic. But the cost is starting to hit home, and I'm afraid I might drop the bundle. The other house is getting worked on even more so now that the holidays are upon us, but in reality it is no holiday for me, and it has put - perhaps - even more pressure on me.

I need to keep going. I cannot let tiredness rob me of the advantage that I have gained. Having said that, I cannot survive on half a nights sleep (or less) indefinitely, and the time will come where I will crash. I just have to make sure that, when I do crash, it doesn't come at the expense of everything else.

But perhaps the biggest fear is the drain before the crash. I would rather just crash than suffer from a period of being drained, where you try to get somewhere but instead sink into a grey world of nothingness. I have to avoid the drain, and if I find myself on the edge, I have to either step back and crash, or charge forward and keep moving.

I almost don't feel human. I am merely a shell, into which must pour information, and out of which must spout assignments, and through which renovations must be brought about. But, if I step back, I know that this feeling could be the first step into the drain. So I must decide; crash or charge? If I charge will I make the drain worse? If I crash will I be missing the capability to keep moving on?

So these are the questions: How far can I push myself, what will be the cost of it, and can I afford the cost? Perhaps I will not know until it is too late.

Achievement

Well, I feel almost delirious with lack of sleep, but everything I planned to get done this week is done, although I still have a full weekend in front of me. I have just finished red-inking the first chapter of V., which is something I have been wanting to get done for some time. Well now, with pressure and hard work, it has been done.

Life has surely been busy for the last week. Melia turned five on Sunday, Alex turned seven on Tuesday, and Hannah turned three yesterday. Yes, it is that week. And now, it is holidays, so the plate laid out is still full. We are cranking up the level of work on the other house, and I still have to keep up my studies.

And let's not forget V., which I am still going to push myself on.

In the next few months I want to redraft and red-ink more chapters, perhaps the first quadrant!

But now, this week's work is done (apart from mowing tomorrow, and a talk and chorus session, and other miscelaneous tasks) and I am tired. I am feeling sick with tiredness. So I go to bed feeling, at last, that I have got somewhere, and have truly earned it.

So far, so good...

Well, I'm tired, and I want to go to bed, but all the hard work seems to be paying off. Thus far, this round of units is going well. Since my last post I have got an assingment done for LST210, a folio for VIS14, and two activities done for VIS15. Not bad hey. By the end of this week I'll have done another activity for VIS15, which will really have me on the front foot.

So so far, so good, as long as I can keep this up. And at the moment, that doesn't seem too hard, although I think I'll suffer from moments of serious-lack-of-motivation-due-to-tiredness. I am even spending time on the weekends on the house and garden, and one day a week at the other house cleaning it up.

So far, so good.

And V. is progressing better than it has for a while, which is very heartening. It is becoming leaner, and is no longer beating the reader about the head and body with information like it used to. And shorter, yes, by gum. So far, so good...

On campus studies are also getting back into the swing of things, as such, so generally, everything on this side of life is proceeding as planned.

So far, so good........

Now all that is required is for me to keep pushing myself to keep up this momentum, because while it is good how things have gone so far, this far is not far enough, so things being so good is - one must not forget - reliant on a major qualification, and therefore things having gone so good so far is most definitely no reason to back off. If I do, then soon it will no longer be so far, so good. So "So far, so good" is not a heartening statement but a warning and a threat; I have only come so far so good, and there is still a long way to go.

Looking ahead

Well, I sorted out my assignments for this round of units, and there is going to be more of less, in that there will be more assignments, but on average they are smaller. Indeed, I will need to be ticking off about two a week for most weeks to get there in the end. Getting behind will not be an option. On the other side of the coin, I am really looking forward to getting into VIS14 and VIS15, which is fantastic.

On campus will become silly again after tomorrow. "ADD" and "PL" need to be sorted out, and I am not supposed to be doing all of the work, but for that to occur I need to develop a system whereby others can take on some of the work in a coordinated way. I'll figure it out during the break tomorrow.

On the creative side, I can use SU-MC1 for WCH13, which is brilliant. I can edit chapters one and two, and get onto three and four. Ideally, I would love to get up to the meeting between M and his father, but that would be well beyond the requirements. V. is the project that really requires action now, rather than SU-MC1.

Furthermore, I really need to get my name out there. There are several literary journals that publish short stories, poetry, and essays, plus there are also competitions. I think I should polish up some essays for them, and get some short stories into both the journals and the competitions. Polish polish polish, that is the key. And when a story is taken out of the competition circuit, put it in to be published.

In a way, I think this may be squeezing my time, but I need to do it. If I don't get out there, I won't get anywhere. As M. and I were discussing tonight, with seven children, to give them the education that we want to provide them with, as well as other things in their lives, I will need an extraordinary income, more than my studies will give me anyway. So therefore, to a certain degree, time expended on getting there now is an investment for the future. Having said that, I only get one time with my kids, so I cannot put my time with them at risk, because I will never get it back again. It is a balance, and I constantly need to re-sort my priorities, and when I have to work I have to let my children know, "I would rather be with you", and it has to be true! And when I am with them, I have to reinforce it, "I would rather be here with you", so that they can say, "Hey, dad is with me because he wants to be", and, "Dad is working at the moment, but he'd rather be with me". After all, I also have to give them the role-model of a man who works, as well as providing the role-model of a Dad who cares and spends time with them.

Balance, balance, balance........

So, I guess I'm feeling relatively bouyant today. I suppose so. I didn't stun myself with everyting I got done, but I am happy with what I got done, and I went to Melia's kinder thing, and she gave me Father's Day things and was so terribly excitedly happy that it has brought me such a fierce proud joy, and the realisation that I love having a large bunch of kids as mine.

I am a truly blessed man.

FOR POSTERITY'S SAKE:

As per normal, the kinder ladies asked Melia some questions and wrote down the answers. Here they are.

My dad is 5 years old; because he has already had his birthday.

My dad's favourite food is liver, strawberry and cupcakes.

My dad's favourite thing to do is cleaning up the rooms.

When my dad is busy he is doing the shopping and it's a bit hard vacuming.

My dad's favourite T.V. show is "Monsters Inc." and watching the "news".

My dad gets angry when the children do the wrong thing.

My dad is happy when the children do the right thing.

Liver?!?