Everything has a cost...

Well, everything is progressing pretty much according to plan, which is fantastic. But the cost is starting to hit home, and I'm afraid I might drop the bundle. The other house is getting worked on even more so now that the holidays are upon us, but in reality it is no holiday for me, and it has put - perhaps - even more pressure on me.

I need to keep going. I cannot let tiredness rob me of the advantage that I have gained. Having said that, I cannot survive on half a nights sleep (or less) indefinitely, and the time will come where I will crash. I just have to make sure that, when I do crash, it doesn't come at the expense of everything else.

But perhaps the biggest fear is the drain before the crash. I would rather just crash than suffer from a period of being drained, where you try to get somewhere but instead sink into a grey world of nothingness. I have to avoid the drain, and if I find myself on the edge, I have to either step back and crash, or charge forward and keep moving.

I almost don't feel human. I am merely a shell, into which must pour information, and out of which must spout assignments, and through which renovations must be brought about. But, if I step back, I know that this feeling could be the first step into the drain. So I must decide; crash or charge? If I charge will I make the drain worse? If I crash will I be missing the capability to keep moving on?

So these are the questions: How far can I push myself, what will be the cost of it, and can I afford the cost? Perhaps I will not know until it is too late.