The treadmill

There are times where I feel that I am stumping forward, ever onward, ever upward, but never really getting anywhere. The fact of the matter is that in the next ten days I have two assignments due for HST220, one for LCI21, three for NET11, and another for NET12. But I do feel like I am ticking them off, one by one? No. I feel I am fighting with them, ever struggling but not really moving forward at all. True, one of the assignments for NET11 is practically done and another is well on its way, but I still feel like they are presenting me with too much struggle.

Oh, well, you've got to do what you've got to do, I suppose.

Soon, they will all be done - I have no choice about that - and it will be the start of a new study period; new subjects, new assignments, much more time. And this time I really do believe that things will be different. M really is a lot better than she has been for I don't know how long - the only reason I have been able to get anything done! And as she improves, I am getting the space to look at myself and realise that I am quite a faulty person - I mean, more faulty than I feel comfortable with. The stress and pressure of her sickness, and my work mounting up while I cared for her, had pushed me into a corner of stress and dehumanisation that made me feel like an empty shell; something I don't want to be.

You see, I like to live, and more abundantly. I am someone who seeks to have fun even when I am not doing fun things. And nothing has been fun - not because they have changed, but because I had.

So now I need to hop off the treadmill. I may not get anywhere any faster, but I have to break the monotony, live a little, let loose and be the goose, and let everything be dancing the funky chicken once more.